Title: Fools in Love
Author: Mirax
Rating: PG
Notes: Slash, angst, etc.
~~~~~

	The rain fell gently, mist bathing the silent junkyard with a soft, silver
light.  I lay curled up on a rocking chair, watching as cats darted between one
shelter and another, in reckless attempts to stay dry.  I didn?t join my tribe
in their futile search, but stayed where I was, letting the soothing water soak
me.  Wishing it could wash me away with the rest of the dirt.
	I was a fool.
	An utter fool to have followed my heart, casting my secrets upon the wind.  My
paws curled in, the sharp claws digging into the soft pads as I struggled not to
cry. To not give into the grief that threatened to overwhelm me.
	In my mind, I again saw his shocked expression, his nervous laughter, and I
moaned, unable to live with the rejection.   "Why, oh why couldn't you have just
kept silent?  Why couldn't you just have kept the doubts, the hopes?" I implored
myself.  "Instead, all you got was the realization of your worst nightmare."
	I wasn't considered the brightest of Toms by the rest of the Jellicles, but
even they would never have thought I would have done what I did.  In their eyes
I was only immature and young, not a complete moron!
	"I guess I just proved them wrong."
	My mind, my sick, twisted mind, played through the evening again, forcing me to
relive every agonizing moment.  The fear, the fluttering hope in my stomach as I
watched him during the Ball, my hungry eyes riveted to his smooth, graceful
body.  Jealously clawed at me as I watched him dance with Bombalarina, flirt
with Jemima?  And then, the hope returned full force as he threw a dazzling
smile my way before strutting off.
	The butterflies grew to mammoth proportions as the Ball ended and I slowly
approached the perch where he sat alone; their wings beating heavily against my
heart as my stomach jumped.
	"Hey, Tugger," I forced the words out between trembling lips, so nervous with
the knowledge of what I was to reveal.  When I had first decided to tell him, it
had seemed the right thing to do, the decision had filled me with relief.  But,
as I stood before him, doubts and fears had plagued me, worrying at me with
their sharp reminders of rejection and revulsion.
	Oh, if only I had listened to them...
	Instead, I had rushed on, filled with the reckless hope of a fool.
	"Tugger... there's something that I need to tell you.  Something important."  He
had smiled at that, made some quip about how someone my age shouldn't be
worrying myself about anything.  I wasn't too sure what it was, because he had
smiled then, dazzling my senses with his charm.
	I choked back a sob, remembering how his smile had strengthened me then, had
given me the courage to continue.
	"I...  I think..." Here my resolve faltered, almost failed.  But, then, he leaned
forward, fixing me with such a serious, concerned look, that I was convinced
that he would not reject me, that he would believe me and love me just as much
as I loved him.
	What a fool I was.
	"I think I love you," I finally stammered out, panting slightly with the effort
as I smiled hopefully at him, waiting for his reply.
 	Again, I was taunted by the memory of his laughter, the sputter of words as he
shook his head slowly, that great and glorious mane rustling.  "Stop joking
around, Pounce..."
	"I'm serious," I remember pleading.
	He had paused then, the look of merriment on his face fading into shock, then
sliding through that to disgust.  He pulled away from me, hissing as I reached
out for him.  "What are you talking about?  You're just a kit!"
	"I'm a grown tom and I know my own feelings," I had whined.
	"If you were, you would have found some Queen to mate!"
	I had started to sniffle then, my heart already beginning to break.  "But all I
want is you... You're the one I love."
	He had fixed me with a cold, disdainful look.  "You disgust me.  Get away from
me, fag!"
	I did.
	I fled straight to my sanctuary, my hiding place, with tears threatening my
eyes.  I went to the one place left where I could be alone.  A lone rocking
chair, precariously resting on a garbage pile.  A safe haven that became more
remote as the heavens above opened up and poured down with my grief.
	Down below, a stray cat crept out from their shelter, raising a heavy head,
framed by a wild mane, to stare up at me.  I sat up, my broken heart pounding
with hope.
	But he only waited until he was sure that I was there, watching him as he was
watching me, and then he turned, deliberately rejecting me with a negative slash
of his long tail.  Then, with that same, effortless grace, he stalked off for
Bombalarina's box, knowing that I would continue to watch him.
	My heart shattered with every step that he took away from me.  He didn?t love
me and he never would.  I was only a freak, an oddity, someone that had
disgusted him.  My secret was out, my heart was lightened of its terrible
burden; but instead of the wistful hopes I had believed in, instead of welcoming
me with open arms, instead of shunning the flirting, deceptive Queens for the
Tom that loved him, he had turned his back on me and made his choice.  He had
rejected my love.
	I was a fool.