Of Pastries and Secrets and True, True Love
by Jen

It was a normal day in the Junkyard: sun shining, birds singing, Jellylorum's kittens trading off their Pop-Tarts for Toaster Strudels from Jennyanydots' brood.

"Hey, guys?" Jemima asked suddenly, handing an icing drizzled pastry to Victoria. "....why do we keep doing this? I mean, it's not like we actually eat the Pop-Tarts, OR the Toaster Strudels...."

Etcetera shrugged. "I think it's just to humor our mothers. I don't know about yours, but our mum is more than a little off her rocker." she said, carefully building a house out of the pile of breakfast foods.

"Like mother, like daughter..." Electra muttered. Before Etcy had time to think up a proper comeback, Pouncival came hurtling into the 'Yard at top speed wearing a bright pink big hair wig and screaming at the top of his lungs.

" AHHHHH! Est equus in via!"

The four young queens blinked in unison. "Uh....what?"

" AHHHHH! Est equus in via!" Pouncival repeated, waving his paws around frantically as he ran. After another moment of blinking, Victoria stood up and thwacked her brother over the head, causing his bright pink big hair wig to topple off.

"What the HECK are you talking about, idiot?" she demanded, but Pouncival completely ignored her and ran off to another part of the Yard. Etcetera looked a bit edgy.

"Um, guys, maybe we should listen to him....." she said, not noticing as her House of Pop-Tarts fell over. The other three girls just looked at her. Finally, Electra spoke up.

"What do you mean, listen to him? He's babbling nonsense!"

"No, he's not!" Etcy said indignantly. "If there are horses in the road, maybe we should go check it out!" This statement only succeeded in gaining her more weird looks, and she stood up haughtily. "Fine! If you want to get killed by the horses in the road, see if I care! I'm going to go find Tugger...." she muttered, and stalked off.

Victoria, Jemima and Electra just looked at each other blankly, then burst out laughing at Etcetera's ditziness. However, they didn't laugh long; a mere moment later, they were all trampled by a stampeding herd of Guinea pigs.

Pouncival peeked around the corner, surveying the damage. "Er, sorry....I didn't know how to say Guinea pigs in Latin...."

MEANWHILE, Etcetera had gone off in search of Tugger. She found him alone in a corner of the Junkyard, scratching his butt.

"This black Spandex itches like cripes." she heard him mutter, causing her to stop suddenly in shock. Now, most people consider Etcetera to be a complete ditz....which, in most cases, she is. Still, she has her logical days once in a while, and today was one of those days.

"If Tugger is wearing black spandex...that must mean it's not his real fur!" she thought. "And if that's not his real fur.....then that must be an impostor!" Without hesitation, she pounced on the black-spandex Tugger.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY TUGGIE?" she screamed in his ear, causing the poor cat to fall over.

"What are you talking about, you crazy kit?" the tom demanded angrily, brushing her off.

"You know what I'm talking about! Why are you wearing black spandex if you're not Tugger!?"

There was an awkward moment of silence. "Well, if you really must know...." the cat said, reaching behind him and pulling a zipper in his back. He stepped out of the spandex to reveal.....

"UNCLE SKIMBLE?" Etcetera screamed, horrified. Skimbleshanks quickly clamped a paw over the kitten's mouth.

"Shush, girl. Look, you know my secret now, okay? I dress up as a stud cat because....well.....nevermind that. The point is, you can't tell ANYONE!" he hissed quietly. Etcetera struggled out of his grasp and stood facing him, her eyes narrowed.

"What's it worth to you?"

So, after some argued dealings, Skimbleshanks presented his young niece with the Heart of the Ocean, a diamond-plated toe ring, and a television that played nothing but Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Etcetera and Pouncival spent their days watching the TV and imitating Crow and Servo, ignoring the continuous screams of "AHHHHH! Est equus in via!" from Victoria, Electra, and Jemima, who had been badly traumatized from their run in with the Guinea pigs.

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