AnnaBomb Lee
by Chapeau

Kooky Macabre and Company are Pleased to Present...
In Association Once Again with Chapeau's Clouded Consciousness...
Yet Another Tail of Horror and Kooky Macabreness in

BOMBA: No...


[Bombalurina starts screaming and runs off. Macabre ignores her.]

KOOKY: Okay, folks, we need someone to do the narration, and Adme is still recovering from the last one.

[CUT TO: Admetus in bed with an ice pack on his head.]

ADMETUS: (sleeping) I told you the house would fall, but did you listzzzz... (snores)

[CUT TO: Kooky Macabre.]

KOOKY: Show of hands!

[The cast looks at him without blinking.]

KOOKY: Come on, it's just a short little poem...

MUNKU: (mumbles) It won't be by the time *he's* done with it.

KOOKY: Munkustrap! Thank you for volunteering! Go with Jenny to find your costume and practice your lines!

MUNKU: But... but...

GRC: Yup, you've got one, and you show it quite frequently.

ELECTRA: That was mean...

GRC: (happy) That's what he gets for calling me a long-hair.

[CUT TO: the dressing room. Demeter and Exotica are helping Bomba get ready.]

BOMBA: (head in paws) I just don't understand why he had to pick me...

EXOTICA: The fanfic bell tolls for all of us at some point, sooner or later; will you stop squirming, I'm trying to get this hairpiece on your head.

DEMETER: That's right; besides, at least you don't have any lines to screw up.

BOMBA: I guess you've got a point there. By the way, does anyone know who my significant other is going to be in this poem?

EXOTICA: (looks nervous) Um...

DEMETER: Well...

TANTA: (walks in) I found a spare script... Bomba, I don't think you're going to like the casting very much. (hands script to Bombalurina)

BOMBA: (glances at it; groans) You have got to be kidding me.

[CUT TO: the other dressing room.]

MORGAN: I mean, I'm partial to poetry, jist... this 'ere is odd.

TUMBLE: Heck, we didn't even know you were still around, Morgan. You should feel lucky to at least be recognized or remembered... (looks at script) Even if you do have to play this opposite Bomba.

CORICO: Where were you hiding, anyway? We thought you'd been dead for the longest time...

MORGAN: Well, I keeps meself quiet; that, an some folks are dead set against an ole ex-Pirate Cat.

CORICO: Hmm, that's true. Of course, at least you're not as hated as other cats...

MORGAN: Still; couldn't ole Macabre 'ave invited me back for tea instead of this?

[CUT TO: a place by the ocean. Munkustrap is standing in the foreground, and Bomba and Morgan are behind him.]

MUNKU: It was many and many a year ago, in a kingdom by the sea, that a maiden there lived whom you may know by the name of AnnaBomb Lee.

[Bombalurina curtsies to the audience.]

MUNKU: And this maiden she lived with no other thought than to love and be loved by me.

[Morgan waves at everyone and tips his... bucket hat?]

MACAVITY: (offstage) Is Morgan supposed to look like Gilligan?

ALONZO: (sings) Oh, sit right back and you'll hear the tale about a fated day when this kooky director named Macabre decided to do a play...

IGOR: (to Macabre) There thinging again, Mathter.

KOOKY: Let them sing whilst they can... (evil laughter)

IGOR: (silly grin) Yesth, Mathter.

MUNKU: I was a kit and she was a kit, in this kingdom by the sea: but we loved with a love that was more than love- I and my AnnaBomb Lee; with a love that the winged seraphs of Heaviside coveted her and me.

[Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer come in from the rafters on a pulley system. They have cardboard wings and pie tins for halos. Mungo is holding a bow and arrow.]

RUMPLE: Oi bring you good tidings o' grea' joy which'll be t' all Jellicols!

MUNGO: Tha's th' wrong play! Besoides, we're supposed t' be a'covetin' their love roight now!

RUMPLE: 'ow the 'eck do ya covet love, pray tell?

MUNGO: Why d' ya think tha' Oi know- whoops!

[Mungojerrie accidentally shoots an arrow; everyone screams as it hits Igor in the head. Macabre carefully takes it out of his ear, and plugs him into the wall.]

KOOKY: Don't worry, guys, he's U/L approved! Carry on!

[Munkustrap shakes his head and continues.]

MUNKU: And this was the reason that, long ago, in this kingdom by the sea, a wind blew out of a cloud... (looks up) Ahem, a WIND blew out of a CLOUD! (taps foot) Would you please blow already?

MACAVITY: You're blowing enough for the both of us! Besides, I don't like being a cloud! The costume's too damn fluffy!

MUNKU: (annoyed) Haven't you read the script?

[He pulls a script out of his coat pocket and hands it to Macavity.]

MACAVITY: Oh, so now I'm a homicidal fluffy little white cloud!

MUNKU: Will you just shut up and act?! (continues) A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling my beautiful AnnaBomb Lee;

[Macavity grumbles and flips a fan on to "FULL POWER."]

BOMBA: Ack! I'm blowing away! Turn the fan off!!! (he does) Besides, that wasn't really chilling, just kind of breezy.

MACAVITY: Oh? Really? Well, why don't we just throw ice cubes at you next time?

KOOKY: (offstage) Say! That's a good idea... IGOR!

[Feeling much better, Igor runs up behind Bomba and puts an ice cube down her back.]

BOMBA: Aiiiiiiieeeeee! Cooooolddddd!!!!

[She starts jumping around, trying to get the ice cube out. After the cast finally stops laughing, she falls over, exhausted.]

MORGAN: (serious) Poor kit...

KOOKY: (shakes his head) Okay Mr. Munkustrap, please continue.

MUNKU: So that her high-born kinstom came and bore her away from me, to shut her up in a sepulchre in this kingdom by the sea.

[A group of Macabre's lab assistants come out and take Bomba offstage.]

MISTO: If they're high-born kinsman, then I'm a Pollicle...

MUNKU: The angels, not half so happy in Heaviside, went envying her and me-

RUMPLE: Oh yes, we're jus' so envious o' you...

MUNGO: Envy, envy, envy.

MUNKU: Yes!-

TUGGER: (offstage) No!

MUNKU: (sighs) YES!- THAT was the reason (as all toms know, in this kingdom by the sea) that the wind came out of the cloud by night, chilling and killing my AnnaBomb Lee.

JELLY: (offstage) This is so sad! (blows her nose loudly)

JENNY: There there... Be a dear and pass the tissues box...

MUNKU: But our love it was stronger by far than the love of those who were older than we- of many far wiser than we-

[He sees Demi sitting out in the audience, and the next bits are said directly at her.]

MUNKU: And neither the angels in Heaviside above, nor the demons down under the sea, can ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful... AnnaDem Lee.

KOOKY: Oh, now *I'm* gonna cry...

IGOR: Have a tithue, Mathter...

MUNKU: For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams of the beautiful AnnaDem Lee;

BOMBA: (offstage) Normally, I'd be mad, but this... this is so... so... (cries) beautiful!

MUNKU: And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes of the beautiful AnnaDem Lee; and so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride, in the sepulchre there by the sea, in her tomb by the sounding sea. (smiles)

DEMETER: Oh, cripes, now I'm crying too... (sniffles)

[Igor comes out on stage behind Munkustrap with a sign reading, "WHILDE APLAWS!"]

IGOR: (to reader) Shuckth, folksth, he did a good job!

[CUT TO: cast party.]

KOOKY: Wow... that has got to be one of the best poetry readings I've ever been to.

IGOR: Yesth, thir!

KOOKY: I really want to congratulate Munku on a job well done... (confused) Where is he, by the way? (suspicious) Speaking of that... where's Demeter?

[The cast blushes, and Jellylorum rolls her eyes indignantly.]

KOOKY: (concerned and embarrassed) Oh...

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