The Cheerful Gumbie
by Alliecallienip


Everybody sees only the Cheerful Gumbie.

No one looks deeper, and I don't know if I want them to. I don't want the Cats to see the 
evil I'm hiding. Or the fear. Or the guilt. Or the hurt. I'm wearing a mask of happiness 
that has stuck itself to my face. Even if I wanted to take it off, I can't. Sealed forever 
my fate as a Cheerful Gumbie.

Jellylorum is my best friend. Well, not mine. The Cheerful Gumbie's. I have no best friend 
because I have no friends. Because of this damned masquerade that is choking me. But even 
Jellylorum can't see past my mask. My false face. I've painted it on too well, and sealed it 
with a kiss of guilt. The guilt that wells up when I'm totally alone. Surges through my 
veins until I'm sure that killing myself it the only way out.

But the Cheerful Gumbie won't let me. Damn her. She has control of everything but my mind - 
everything but the one thing I don't want. I don't want to think; to feel. I don't want to 
know the evil I'm capable of; the atrocities that my paws could - and would - perform if I 
was given control.

I need control.

I don't want control.

I can see every horribly image of what my murderous paws would do if I was given control. 
Every blood filled, gore filled, hate filled act that I would do. But the Cheerful Gumbie - 
she stands in my way. She is a mindless being, a creation of my own, a part of me more 
powerful then myself. 

But - I promise myself.

Someday I'll cast off the Cheerful Gumbie. I'll kill her, and then kill the others. Someday 
I'll loosen my self-enforced chains. Break through my personal bondage. Then I'll taste the 
blood...

Someday the Cheerful Gumbie will die.