Finished
By Alliecallienip


**Ed. Note: This is a Grizabella fic, although it doesn't say it IN the fic.**

I trip. I stumble. I fall. I wait for the paws to lift me, but they never come. Never. So I 
crawl. I crawl along until some unwilling, inanimate object is used as a step-ladder. Then I 
stand again. I waver; I shake; I tremble. I fight my way to where I will find acceptance. 
Recognition. 

Love. 

I haven't allowed myself to even think the word in years. With Love comes Happiness. That's 
how I've always known it. I remember a time I knew what Happiness was...

Now I've come again. There are more here. One reaches out - My heart gives a leap - but he 
scratches me and darts away. Why do they want to hurt me? I don't understand....Another 
comes and touches me....It's been so long since I've been touched... 

But I'm pushed away. Again. Now one hesitantly, slowly, reaches towards me...

No. 

Nevermind...she's not what I thought. I hoped. I dreamed. I remembered. 

Bast, the memories. They fill me; overwhelm me; consume me. They are me. They're all I have 
left...

I remember...I was beautiful. I was sexy. I was glamorous. I could have had any tom I 
wanted...but I wanted none. And now...it is too late. My chance has long since come and 
gone. 

No more chances. 

Still I hope for one. I pray. I beg. Nothing works...my hopes are crushed. My prayers are 
unheard. My begging goes unnoticed. Please...just one more chance...

I was young back then. Foolish. Reckless. I was going to stay beautiful forever. I needed no 
one...

And now I had no one. 

I stumble away. They don't want me. They never will. I just torture myself with the thought 
that maybe - maybe - someday...

I lurch back into the street. What do I do now? Oh, of course. I'll find some alley and curl 
up and...

*Die.*

I wasn't going to die. Back then, I was immortal. Dying wasn't in my plans. My plans. 
Nothing bad is ever planned...

But is death bad? Now, compared to the Hell that I call my life, is it bad? No. It can't be. 
Nothing can be worse than the torture and anguish they call 'loneliness'. Nothing.

I am finished.